Who you are vs Who you want to become

Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I am not good enough for this world.  I know I have thought about it.  Since last Friday it has been in the back of my mind a little bit more and a little bit louder.  But its not easy waiting. 

The more I think about it, the more I think about my life and the things people have told me the more I get confused.  All of our parents have told us that "You're perfect just the way you are" and plenty of others have said that "all you can do is be yourself, people will love you or hate you either way" and the point of these is that we cannot change who we are to fit the wants of the people around us.  But is that only true up to a certain point? or is it a lifelong need?

Clearly, we all change.  If we did not change the world could never have become what it is today.  We change, or evolve, as we gain experiences, share ideas, read, talk, and as the world changes around us.  It is our adaptability that makes each one of us as amazing as we are. 

“All living things contain a measure of madness that moves them in strange, sometimes inexplicable ways. This madness can be saving; it is part and parcel of the ability to adapt. Without it, no species would survive.” 
― Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Sometimes I like to think that over the years I have changed so much that a me from 10 years ago would not recognize me today.  I am not sure how I should feel about that, seeing that I am not sure if I would even like myself 10 years ago. I mean, I was a high school junior, awkward, unsure, a complete dumb ass. But it was also the year where my life turned around and I feel like I became most of the man I am today. It was in my junior year of High School that I joined the Army and things changed.

Now, I feel like I am being told, subconsciously by the world, that I need to change again.  Be a professional; dedicate yourself to your job. “At any moment being able to sacrifice what you are for what you can become,” in Eric Thomas’s Secrets to Success, he talks about what it takes to be successful at whatever you want to be.  He is talking to students about how their cell phones are holding them back; their wanting to go to a party is keeping them from succeeding.  So am I supposed to sacrifice my personal life for my professional one? Am I supposed to be the guy who is nothing but his job?

Far too often do I see ‘adults’ consumed by their work, as if that is all they are.  And I saw it in school too. People who would be in the library, shut in their rooms, and faces glued to their computers. They were all about their classes when others of us where busy trying to be social, athletic or anything else resembling a life outside of the classroom.  I wondered what their lives would be like, when they finally left for a job, no doubt great workers but how would they deal with office politics? Now I am wondering how they would survive without a job, or dealing with the period of waiting for applications to make their way through the chain and HR people to make it back to you.

 

I know my personal life is going to take a hit until I get on my feet.  I know I have no problem sacrificing my personal life for a short period of time but I will never be able to give up all of my life.  After all, “All work and No Play makes Chris a dull boy."