Who you are vs Who you want to become

Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I am not good enough for this world.  I know I have thought about it.  Since last Friday it has been in the back of my mind a little bit more and a little bit louder.  But its not easy waiting. 

The more I think about it, the more I think about my life and the things people have told me the more I get confused.  All of our parents have told us that "You're perfect just the way you are" and plenty of others have said that "all you can do is be yourself, people will love you or hate you either way" and the point of these is that we cannot change who we are to fit the wants of the people around us.  But is that only true up to a certain point? or is it a lifelong need?

Clearly, we all change.  If we did not change the world could never have become what it is today.  We change, or evolve, as we gain experiences, share ideas, read, talk, and as the world changes around us.  It is our adaptability that makes each one of us as amazing as we are. 

“All living things contain a measure of madness that moves them in strange, sometimes inexplicable ways. This madness can be saving; it is part and parcel of the ability to adapt. Without it, no species would survive.” 
― Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Sometimes I like to think that over the years I have changed so much that a me from 10 years ago would not recognize me today.  I am not sure how I should feel about that, seeing that I am not sure if I would even like myself 10 years ago. I mean, I was a high school junior, awkward, unsure, a complete dumb ass. But it was also the year where my life turned around and I feel like I became most of the man I am today. It was in my junior year of High School that I joined the Army and things changed.

Now, I feel like I am being told, subconsciously by the world, that I need to change again.  Be a professional; dedicate yourself to your job. “At any moment being able to sacrifice what you are for what you can become,” in Eric Thomas’s Secrets to Success, he talks about what it takes to be successful at whatever you want to be.  He is talking to students about how their cell phones are holding them back; their wanting to go to a party is keeping them from succeeding.  So am I supposed to sacrifice my personal life for my professional one? Am I supposed to be the guy who is nothing but his job?

Far too often do I see ‘adults’ consumed by their work, as if that is all they are.  And I saw it in school too. People who would be in the library, shut in their rooms, and faces glued to their computers. They were all about their classes when others of us where busy trying to be social, athletic or anything else resembling a life outside of the classroom.  I wondered what their lives would be like, when they finally left for a job, no doubt great workers but how would they deal with office politics? Now I am wondering how they would survive without a job, or dealing with the period of waiting for applications to make their way through the chain and HR people to make it back to you.

 

I know my personal life is going to take a hit until I get on my feet.  I know I have no problem sacrificing my personal life for a short period of time but I will never be able to give up all of my life.  After all, “All work and No Play makes Chris a dull boy."

What do you want to do?

So, I guess we all start with the obvious question: What do you want to do? Well, isn't that the dumbest question ever.  This might be pessimistic but I don’t think what I want to do is on the table.  Not unless I can find a job that lets me travel the world, eat at the best restaurants, drink all sorts of drinks and write at my leisure.  

Coming from a liberal arts college where the motto is learn everything you want to, not simply learn what this career path needs you to learn, I have no idea what my path is.  I learned so much in college that I still feel like the world is wide open to me.  Furthermore, I feel like I've grown in so many different ways during the four years I was in college that there is no singular thing I want to do. 

Ugh, back to the question at hand. What do I want to do?

Well, my real love is writing. I’d love to be able to write stories, articles, and columns and so on for the rest of my days.  I know it would take some time to work my way up to doing anything substantial, but I think it would be a thrilling way to make a living.

I would also love to read for a living, being an editor or any job where I would be able to make comments on someone else’s work before it goes out to be published would also be ideal.

I know I have many skills that would help me in any career.  I know how to use Microsoft office, Social Media; I like to think I know how to sell ideas to people and how to get people to care about. Everything there seems to point me towards advertising, sales, marketing, or some other office work.

More recently and that is to say after working for YMCA Green Bay’s Camp U-Nah-Li-Ah, I love the idea of working outside, being outside. Working for a non-profit or a job where I get to be outside more seems very appealing. 

Now, because I think this question is ambiguous and downright stupid, I think I should tell you the answer to a much better question for today’s job market situation.  Maybe someday in the past you were able to walk right into a job and say I want to do this and they’d give it to you, but today those looking for a job have to be more practical.  We have to ask ourselves what I am willing to do OR what am I not willing to do to support myself.

I could try to be funny and say I’d sell my body for money, but anyone who knows me knows that wouldn't make me a dime.  So in all honesty, what I won’t do is go back to fast food.  I know I could walk in and be a manager but I refuse to put myself in a position where I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life.  I’ll be a trash man, a mailman, I’ll work retail but I refuse to work in fast food ever again.  I worked at a Culver's restaurant while I was in High School and I was seriously just done with it, the hours sucked, I ate the food all the time, the managers were truly awful people, and I became such an angry person while I worked there.

As I've been writing this, I cannot help but think that I am thinking about this the wrong way. Maybe there isn't such a divide in the two ways of thinking.  The two questions certainly have merit. The former has everything to do with what you aspire to become. While the later has everything to do with how you want to get there.  I hope that you can see some need for these questions as I have.

Please leave a comment, question, or concern for me to answer.  Thanks for reading and I’ll write again soon. 

Introduction

My name, while not as important as my story, is Christopher Schmidt.  I recently graduated from Lawrence University in Appleton, Wisconsin, and until two days ago, was planning to go to China as a part of (Foundation’s name withheld)’s Cultural and Educational Exchange Program.  Well, due to some changes in Chinese Law, that is no longer happening.  So like every college graduate, I am now on the search for the ever elusive job.  Today I set up my LinkedIn profile, which I am told is a good way to get out there… Really seems like a dumbed down Facebook to be honest. 

I guess what I entail to do here is give you, my readers, a view of my life through this time.  My goal is not to get gifts but hopefully show those looking for their first post graduate job that they are not alone.  I am not an expert, a professional comedian, or a perfect human being… I am just me, and this is my story. 

List of characters.  Many of these people are the ones I’ll talk about the most: friends and family. So I’ll just get the broad strokes out now.

Christopher (Chris) Schmidt aka me. - Unemployed, ex-Army Infantry, graduate Lawrence University, Major English.  I would describe myself as Lost. Currently living at home with my parents (none of us are happy about that).  I like to cook, read, talk/watch sports, watch movies, read books, listen to music… and this is starting to sound like a dating profile. 

Janell Schmidt aka Mom.- Employed Accountant at University School of Milwaukee. Graduated from somewhere with Degree in Accounting.  Most commonly gone to for perspective, whether a woman’s perspective or general. She says she likes football, known to watch NASCAR religiously.

Alan Schmidt aka Dad- Employed doing something with Computers for a company called FIS.  I really don’t know much about my parents do I. Used in past for Money Management, physical confrontation, advice, general dad-isms.  Member of Coast Guard Auxiliary, enjoys sailing, biking (road), sports, computers/technology.

Nicole Larson (Schmidt), Sister.  Employed as a Physician’s Assistant in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.  Other roles are mother and wife.  Most commonly called for relationship advice and “what should I do about this?” medical advice.  Enjoys sports moderately, operator of a fantasy team, which is more than I can say about my parents.

Andrew Larson, Brother in Law.  Employed, couldn’t tell you what he does, Telecommutes.  I can talk to Andrew about pretty much anything, but we mostly talk video games, sports, relationships, and fantasy football.

Jakob Christopher Larson, Nephew. Unemployed baby.  Doesn’t talk. enjoys naps, spitting up food on me, crying, his water table, being read to, being held by his Daddy (Andrew) and Mommy (Nicole) and being spoiled.

So my adventure begins.  I have hope of finding a job, maybe not the perfect job, maybe not my dream job, but a job none the less.   Also while I am at it, I need to start my writing project.  More on that later. I am not sure how often I’ll write so keep in touch.